Ich moechte Berliner sein! (I don't want to be a donut, though)

(Note: for those who don't get the historical reference, JFK once gave a speech in Berlin about freedom, and ended by saying "Ich bin ein Berliner", which in German means "I am a donut". To say "I am a Berliner", it should be "Ich bin Berliner". Tsk tsk.)

It's my family's first day in Berlin, and this is the day we start our tour with Insight Vacations. We are on the Easy Pace Berlin, Dresden and Prague tour package, which sounds a lot better than the hectic tour schedule that my mother was initially hoping for ("I want to go to Poland, Germany, Slovakia, Hungary, Czech Republic, Vienna, and how about Russia?"). Our tour director is this Berlinerin who lives in London, and who speaks with a really crisp English accent that is lovely and a charmingly English sense of humour ("I am called Friederike, and you may call me anything you like, but usually by the end of the tour, people just call me... 'Mother'...").

Getting here from Berlin Zoologischer Garten was a surprisingly easy and charming trip: the taxi that we hailed happened to be driven by a really genial and charmingly friendly Berliner, who regaled us with stories of how life was like in Berlin during the Cold War. To give an example, to leave West Berlin to get to West Germany, West Berliners had to pass through East German territory since West Berlin was surrounded by East Germany. They had to have their passports on them, they were not allowed to carry ANY written materials in the car (presumably to avoid any spy drops or any sort of Western media spoiling East German propaganda), and their passports had the time of their passing printed, so they were not allowed to linger along the highway to West Germany.

So in order to (illegally) speak with his grandparents, who were still in East Berlin, his parents had to drive from West Berlin through East German territory along the highway controlled by the East Germans, and meet his grandparents secretly at a gas station for approximately 20 minutes. When the 20 minutes were up they drove the rest of the highway to West Germany, and made a U-turn to continue the conversation at the same gas station. Just to meet his grandparents.

Germans were not allowed to visit each other due to restrictions imposed by the East German government. The East German government only allowed their citizens to go over to West Germany if they had retired, "so they did not have to pay your pensions!" said our taxi driver.

With the older Berliners I met today, it seems like the memory of the Cold War is just very recent, right below the surface like the memory of 9/11 for most Americans, and it takes but a light tap of the spoon to break through the hard shell to get to the creme brulee of pain. Our tour manager, Friederike, told us that she cannot bear to go through the Charlie Checkpoint museum, because it hit too close to home ("I have lost family and friends at the wall"), and looked like she was tearing up slightly when she said that.

But we also saw the younger side of Berlin, post-Reunification, post-Stasi and beyond Ostalgie (a play on the German words for nostalgia, nostalgie, and the east, Ost).

For dinner we went to this Vietnamese place Monsieur Vuong that serves a daily different menu. It is in the former Eastern part of Berlin, around Hackescher Markt northeast from Friedrichstrasse and Unter den Linden, which is the place for our hotel, the Westin Grand. It is quite far if we walk there directly, but relatively ok if one takes the S-Bahn to Hackescher Markt, and walk there: it's along Alte Schönbauer Strasse (no. 46), after Steinstrasse and right before Mulackstrasse.

While walking there, I was amazed by the energy and youthfulness in Berlin, in this part of Berlin, which was so inspiring: every single shop we passed by was a gallery or a boutique of some sort, with all SORTS of crazy, cool, fashionable bits and pieces. It is as though everything there was like a cooler version of Samuel and Kevin, which is probably my favourite brand of clothes in Singapore.

It is, apparently, the hip and cool place to be now in Berlin. The best part being they do not take any reservations of any sort, so everyone's equally standing in line waiting for a spare table (just like in Asia), even the drab and the drearily dressed like yours truly. The food, I must say, is really superlative. By no means is it real Vietnamese, but it is real enough, and the ingredients are truly fresh to make the food really superlative.

But even more impressive is the crowd: it really is The Place. Lots of trendy people, with the eclectic and deliberately chaotic fashion of young uni students mixed with the smooth and coherent Hugo-Boss-like style of the Jet Set Leute(Crowd), with everyone looking really beautiful. It is very young, and very hip in a slightly retrospective kind of way. To give an example, one of the coolest 'in' things in Germany now are the Ampelmann, which was the former East German traffic figure for pedestrians. It's quite cool that a number of Berlin traffic junctions actually use this, still, but also cool that you get dispatch bags, shirts, etc. with the cute Ampelmann on it!

Gosh, I really wish I was a Berliner!

Award

Apparently I got a Dean Hugh Cameron Service Award.

And I was not there when the award was presented, because nobody informed me about this.

The first person to tell me was my College Master, who told me AFTER the award was already given...

In any case, I am much happier about my 4.05 GPA this semester, for a cumulative 3.49.

Official Final Semester grades, Combinatorics and Sleep

It is official: my cumulative GPA is 3.49, with a semester GPA of 4.05.

What's past is past, but the current semester's performance is definitely stellar. I am happy with the outcome, which was the outcome I had targeted for and which I achieved.

I spoke with my combinatorics professor, Dean Forman, while at the President's dessert reception for graduating seniors, and he said, "Ah! I remember you, you had a harder time than others on the final...."
We discussed the final, and he said, "If you think about the problem correctly, it does not take more than a few sentences. The problem is that the harder methods of doing the problems were plausible: that's why you went ahead and plunged into them. If only you had thought about them a little more...."

If anything is a theme, that has been the theme of the entire course: "You are thinking too hard". You know, it does not mean that the question is easy, or that the solution is trivial. NO! Far from it. There were so many times when he would introduce a question or a problem, and we would spend an eternity answering him, and he would say, "you guys are working way too hard!" and at the end of it, he would show us the solution, often times with just a single sentence, sometimes requiring slightly more than a paragraph, but never more than that.

It's one of those moments that makes you impressed, depressed, intrigued and frustrated all at once. (I make it sound like the cliched first-time encounter with sex). Yet it does not make it any easier.... Combinatorics seems to be one of those topics that is deceptively simple, a bit like go or weiqi, but behind the deception lies granite (reinforced with diamonds and nanotubes).

What I didn't mention to him was that I attempted his final after finishing another final, and also after having had 7 hours of troubled sleep the night before. The beds at Rice, especially in my dorm room at Wiess, are appallingly bad: I have never had a proper night's rest this past year at all. I don't remember a single night when I woke up refreshed, ready to start work. Invariably I wake up with a clogged nose, and seriously fatigued, and I still do so now, despite the exams being far behind.

Speaking of sleep, it is time for me to do so now.

The Best Academic Comebacks

My semester Grade Point Average (GPA) last semester was pretty low: 2.54.

It was a hard semester, in part because of some personal problems of a Telemundo scale that occurred to me in the summer and through the start of the semester, which I'm not at liberty to explain or detail.

Let's just say that it was so traumatic for me, I was basically experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as identified by my counsellor at International University Bremen (IUB): insomnia, fatigue, weird dreams, irritability, depression, inability to focus, i.e. I was turning into Woody Allen's characters.

It is one thing to know and anticipate PTSD, but a very different thing to actually undergo the emotional roller coaster, and to experience the brain freeze when placed under stressful situations (like exams, which had never happened before). Now that I have actually experienced this, I have a greater sympathy for veterans who freeze up from the minor stress of everyday life tasks, like counting their change with a line behind them.

In addition to that, there was the additional stress of getting used to the environment at Rice again, getting used to a new thing that I had never done before (full fledged research), and the pressure of finding a job, which was and is a full time job on its own.

All and all, it was a really bad semester, and all the stress really affected my grades and academic performance.

This semester, I took a pretty different approach. Firstly, I used my winter break to fully recover, emotionally. Like totally relax, and have fun.

I also resolved to take my final semester with a very different mental approach: I read John Eliot's "Overachievement" over the winter, and also resolved to take his class, Performance Psychology. I also read Dave Allen's "Getting Things Done", and put his method into use halfway through the semester. I chose courses mostly because of my interest in them, since I more or less fulfilled the requirements for my major, so there was performance psychology, new venture creation (on technology commercialization, taught by the Jones school of business), research ( a lot of it, because of my Honors research project), and a math course in Combinatorics.

The math course is not easy, and there are a lot of brillant folk in the class as well: as I didn't have as much time to devote to this course as I would ideally be able to, I took the course pass/fail.

Well, guess what? After a very fast and hectic semester, I just found out that except for New Ventures, the other grades are in, and I got a final semester GPA of 4.07 (out of a possible 4.0).

This pulls my overall GPA up from 3.33 to 3.47. When the New Ventures grade comes in (and I am pretty sure I got an A), it should pull up my grade further to 3.49, which makes me really happy.

---

Actually, the best academic comeback for me is probably my A levels, which are the end-of-high-school national examinations in Singapore, which determines where you go for your university. It basically determines (to some extent) the rest of your life.

Before we take the A levels, the school administers a pre-A level exam, which we call the Preliminary examinations. The standard is roughly identical with the actual A level standards, although my school was an elite school and liked to drive the screws into our heads with ridiculously hard (even by university-level courses) problems.

Even then, it was a pretty good indicator for actual A level performance.

I still remember how I passed my Junior College years: I was a complete slacker. Hardly did any work, especially for mathematics. I hardly even attended classes. In fact, the only math that I did the homework for was statistics, stuff like the Poisson distribution etc., and that was because the homework was easy. I was really lazy then, I hated working too hard.

Imagine my shock when my grades came in:

Economics B
Physics D
Chemistry C
Math O

General Paper A2 (Note: I actually do not remember my grade on this)

The O represents that it was an 'O' level pass. The 'O' Levels, for those who don't know, are British (and Commonwealth) standard exams like the 'A' levels, only that they are below the A levels in difficulty.

In all essence, I completely failed my Math. I won't deny that I totally deserved such a bad grade, but then something happened.

I still remember the rush of adrenalin, when I realized "I am in very deep s---", since I had slacked for two whole years: sleeping in class, skipping it sometimes, not handing in homeworks. In fact, in all our class tests, I had come in at the very bottom of the heap, because I didn't even bother. I actually got 5% on a test one time, because I scribbled something like "I did not study, I do not know" and went to sleep. On the test paper itself.

After the Prelim results came, I set to work.

And work, I did. I worked so hard, my parents completely stopped nagging me to study. In fact, at one point my mum actually came in to tell me to not work so hard ("it is ok if you don't do well, we know you are working really hard" and "we already have a crazy relative, I don't want my son to turn nuts as well")... I was my own slave driver, working easily anywhere from 12 to 18 hours a day, for two whole months. Every single day. I didn't give my self any slack on weekends. It was the same punishing routine, of which I still vaguely remember: I would do a math practice exam paper in the morning for three hours, after which over lunch I would do a physics, chemistry or economics practice paper while eating, take a 15 minute break for a nap, then do another math practice exam paper in the afternoon. Then in the evening I would use that time to revise either physics, chemistry or math until 11.30am, after which I would literally collapse into bed, only for the alarm to ring at 5.30am the next day for the cycle to repeat itself.

Whenever I was tired, I took micronaps of 10-15 minutes, a habit which I still do, and which served me well everywhere, especially in the Army. Then I woke up, and plunged back into work.

The A levels came, and went. I finished the exams, and with a huge feeling of relief, I went on a holiday to visit my sister in the USA in December 1999. After returning to Singapore, I entered the Army (Whiskey Company, Platoon 2, BMTC School 2).
We got a day's off from training to return to mainland Singapore, in order to get our results.

I still remember how my teacher, Mrs. Tam Beng Beng, broke the news to me:

"Peijing, -sigh-, only one B!!"

I literally broke out in cold sweat at the thought that all that hard work went to waste, and that I only got a B, and the rest were Cs and Ds. My hands were trembling as I received the results slip, which read:

Mathematics A
Physics A
Chemistry A
Economics B

General Paper A1

What she had meant (of course!) was that if I had gotten an A instead of that 1 B, I would have been a perfect scorer at the A levels.

But I was too happy to care anyway. I squeezed in two years' worth of mathematics into two months, and went from a fail to an A in the same time frame. So unlike a lot of other people, I'm actually proud of my A level results because I actually did work my bottom off for it.

Nanotechnology and the Environment

The BBC has a poorly written article about nanotechnology and the environment, which in my opinion is simplistic and needlessly alarmist.

I definitely agree with the stand that nanoparticles need to be investigated for their toxicity. A good example are quantum dots, which are nanoparticles (2-10 nm) of highly toxic heavy metals like cadmium. There is also a lot unknown about the toxic behaviours of most nanoparticles.

But I am particularly appalled by this statement in the article, which is very typical of alarmist news articles written by reporters with no concept of magnitude, and obviously no aptitude for interpreting numbers:

A recent paper in the journal Nano Letters reported that experiments done to assess the risk of inhaling carbon nantotubes, a common manufactured nanoparticle, sometimes showed strong toxic effects and sometimes did not depending on which methods were used.

Considering that nanotubes are in essence carbon soot, formed at high temperatures, I find this statement a bit ridiculous. You would no more intentionally inhale carbon nanotubes as you would stick your nose into a car exhaust pipe or a chimney flue. Of COURSE there is going to be a toxic effect upon inhalation, if the material in question is in essence soot. Tell us something we don't know, like in comparison with soot, is it more toxic? Or less? Give us the quantitative justification, instead of just saying strongly toxic! I am actually willing to bet good money that the authors of the actual Nano Letters paper did put in numbers and figures discussing the toxicity, but the BBC journalist decided to remove those figures because they are "trivial and unimportant".

It is also ridiculous because there almost does not exist a single commercial application of carbon nanotubes (single-walled or multi-walled) in its "free" form, floating around in the air to enter the lungs of the common people. So this toxic study deals with the toxicity of nanotubes in a form which is least likely to be encountered by the common folks, but is more relevant to carbon nanotube researchers. Mind you, the paper was originally addressed to nanotechnology researchers who do encounter nanotubes in powder form, so the rationale for the paper within this context is totally understandable: what is NOT understandable is for the BBC to take this message out of its original context, and hype it up in an alarmist article, with no sensible rationale other than to scare people without any reasonable justification. This reminds me of the warning signs you see on American hairdryers ("Warning: Use of hairdryer in shower or bath may result in death!"), and makes about as much sense.

I'm not saying we don't need further studies: we do. But we also need to tamper the sensationalist alarmist press that nanotechnology gets, which is not helped by the general misunderstanding of what nanotechnology really is.

Which reminds me: for those alarmists who believe the bullshit about nanotechnology that Michael Crichton published in his fictional account, and are worrying about nanotubes, carbon nanotubes are not intelligent, and they will not form an "intelligent swarm". They are about as smart as the next molecule. Nanotechnology is a very far cry from that state of affairs, and arguably it won't reach that level of sophistication, not within the next 50 years. People let their imaginations run wild, but the fact is that at the quantum level, you get extremely different behaviour: normal mechanics as we know it ceases to exist. We might get some form of nano-machines (the Tour Group at Rice has created the world's first nanocar, made from molecules), but not as envisioned by Crichton or Drexler.

What I want to do in my life

My vision: I dream of a day when the world functions on carbon-free fuels, and our negative impact on the environment around us is less than it is today. A world where energy is cheap, plentiful and clean, and will be used to boost the standards of living of the billions in the developing world, while reducing the negative impact of mankind on our planet. A world where happiness and improved livelihoods are the norm, and people are striving to be the best they can be.

Mission:
to make this vision come true in an economically viable and sustainable manner
to help the Chinese government achieve its goal to attain 10% renewable energy production by 2020, and to further improve on the relative percentage
to do the above by working in a company that will be involved in the Chinese renewable energy markets
to help make that happen by seeking external financing

Shorter term Goals:
to learn the skills in finance to help make this happen,
to be able to make the income in order to finance the technologies, and achieve that goal
to be involved in the financing and business side of this, and not just be a technologist
to be successful (to be defined) and help others be successful in achieving their dreams.

The PJ Program: Introductory idea

I have just been inspired by reading the Wharton business school student profiles and their programs. It strikes me that business school programs are very much about giving you the tools to be successful: of and by themselves, there is no guarantee of success. Many programs talk about "grooming" talent and developing people. If that is the case, then why not create my very own personal development program and just stick to it?

It will be cheaper, and customized for myself and my own development. It is arguably more challenging than following a path well-trodden. It is completely relevant. I can use this plan to strengthen my own strengths, and work on my weaknesses, and also to give me the tools to become more successful.

Of course, an MBA can be incorporated into the big development plan for my own, but it should not (and will not) be a goal unto itself, but will only be part of the bigger picture.

I'll use this blog to keep track of my personal career development, and create my own program. The PJ Program, customized to bring out the very best in this bloke.

Personal Resume/CV

LANGUAGES
Fluent in English and Mandarin (written and spoken). Working knowledge of German.
EDUCATION
Rice University, Houston, TX, USA Aug ‘02 – May ’06 (expected)
Bachelor of Science in Chemical Physics. Current GPA: 3.33
Coursework includes: Multivariable Calculus, Classical Mechanics, Quantum Mechanics, Chemical Kinetics, Programming, Complex Variables, Leadership, Accounting and New Venture Creation. Two courses done in University of California (Berkeley) in Summer 2003.
* President’s List Fall 2002
* Member of Chemical Sciences Honor Society, Phi Lambda Upsilon, 2006
* Senior-year Honors nanotechnology research project with Dr. Naomi Halas. Creating nano-sized sensor particles with potential applications as non-invasive sensors of salicylic acid and glucose in blood.
* GRE: 1400 (Verbal 680, Math 720, Analytical 5.0)

Hwa Chong Junior College, Bukit Timah, Singapore Jan ‘98 – Dec ‘99
Cambridge GCE ‘A’ levels. A’s for Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics ‘Core’, B for Economics and A1 for General Paper; SAT 1520 (Verbal 800, Math 720); SAT II Physics 800, Math 750, Writing 750; TOEFL 293

INTERNATIONAL AND WORK EXPERIENCE
INNOVATE Globalization Conference, Shanghai and Kyoto, China and Japan 10 – 19 Mar ’06
University Delegate. Selected from forty-six applicants to be one of twelve Rice University-subsidized delegates for an international symposium on globalization, technology and leadership in the global marketplace, with a focus on Asia. Visited companies and educational institutions in both countries, including Toyota, Matsushita, and Fudan University. Participated in panel discussions with entrepreneurs, business leaders, government officials and student leaders. Personal research topic: renewable energy developments in China.

International University Bremen, Bremen, Germany Aug ’04 – Jun ‘05
Exchange Student. One of four selected exchange students from Rice to International University Bremen (IUB). Started a new club, participated in Student Think Tank (see Activities) and represented Rice University as student ambassador. Traveled extensively through Europe (Germany, Netherlands, Italy, UK, Portugal, Spain) and Asia.

* The Arlington Institute, Arlington, Virginia, USA Jun ‘04 – Aug ‘04
Research Intern. Selected as first representative of Leadership Rice Summer Mentorship Experience to The Arlington Institute, a futurist research institute. Created a presentation to the Pentagon for an alternative-energy competition to wean the US from dependence on oil to renewable energy sources. Wrote SWOT (Strengths Weaknesses Opportunities Threats) analysis and an in-house executive summary of Singapore’s national security. Offered a job at the end of internship.

* 21st Battalion Singapore Artillery, Singapore Army, Singapore Jan ‘00 – May ‘02
Assistant Administrative Supervisor. Promoted to a regular-soldier’s position as a conscript because of demonstrated leadership ability. Led 6-man battalion administrative section with Battalion Manpower Officer to achieve full score in manpower administration component of battalion field evaluation exercise.

ACTIVITIES
* International Undergraduate Society, Rice University Aug ’05 – May ’06
Co-secretary. Organized social activities, including first successful IUS Movie Night and social activities for international undergraduate students at Rice.

* Peer International Advisor Program, Rice University Aug ’05 – May ’06
Co-Head. Organized and advised participants in program, where existing Rice international undergraduate students advise incoming international freshmen, and help in adjusting to their new environment, softening their culture shock. Edited the Orientation booklet.

* Wine Society, Rice University Oct ‘02 – May ‘06
Co-founder and President (2003–2004, 2005–2006). Club founded to educate Rice community on wine. Successfully negotiated for club discounts of 10% with local wine merchant. Club membership expanded from 2 people to 30 within two years, including Houston Area young alumni. Currently negotiating with Houston Young Alumni Association to jointly create discount card for Houston area.

* Student Government Think Tank, International University Bremen (IUB) Sep ‘04 – Jan ‘05
Member. Authored Student Court reforms (including the creation of the Chief Justice position and the on-line publication of by-laws and procedures) to streamline decision-making and court administration. Implementation in Fall ’05 immediately resulted in improved efficiency in the Court’s administration with an estimated